CENSORING FREE SPEECH IN A NEWSPAPER!

An anonymous bloglover has sent in a mail by the HR department of a newspaper. The anonymous mailer asks us to guess which newspaper. Read on --

Dear All,

Weblogs, or blogs, have indeed become a force multiplier in the media industry. They have generated, provoked and forced discussions and debates, influenced policies and exposed incorrect reportage and even plagiarism.

While we should, of course, celebrate this new channel of communication, we need to put in place certain guidelines for ourselves.
*If employees choose to use the web to express their thoughts and ideas, they should keep the blog strictly personal.
*Should not mention any event/people related to the workplace on the blog.
*Should not reveal any information the employee has access to as part of his/her work.
*Should not divulge contents of any official communication.Violation of these guidelines will be considered a breach of contract between the company and the employee and will invite strict disciplinary action.

Thanks,
HR Department

Ha! Double Ha!

I don't hate TOI... They're all bad for all I care

Someone’s written to me:

Dear Maharishi ValmikiYou're doing some great work, ‘exposing’ the TOI. But what about the other mainline English dailies. Why are they being ignored when they too are indulging in equally crappy journalism?

The comment is unsigned. So I presume it’s from a TOI journo who is pleased with me but is hurt that I’ve targeted mostly her (his?) paper.

For all you who believe I hate TOI, let me tell you I don't. I don't hate anyone: newspaper or television channel. It's just my job (well, I decided that) to expose crappy journalism no matter where it sits.

To paraphrase Forrest Gump, “Crappy is as crappy gets.”

If it's any consolation to my anonymous praise mailer from TOI, The Indian Express is shittier than his/her rag. Yes, that's right. Express is the worse of the two.

Look at this morning's (April 27) main story by Ritu Sarin, who's covered the CBI since the time of my grandaunt.

Ritu often scoops decent stuff as she does this time, too. The story is:
CBI will press murder charges on five Indian Army officers who allegedly killed as many innocent people and falsely claimed they were terrorists.

Ritu’s write-up, alas, is too confusing. As always, she violates several basic principles of news writing. Her story –
(1) Has way too long sentences that make her lose focus
(2) Presumes foreknowledge among readers
(3) Rides on clichés (Say no to “worn-out clichés” because, well, that’s a cliché.)
(4) Feels dry and mechanical
(5) Isn’t kept simple… coz she is stupid

Ritu should read the link to the Northern Star writing tips that I pasted in an earlier post. (No, I’m not on the NS payroll. I found their site in random Internet search.) The NSWT (go figure) say a journalist should ask himself/herself before writing a story –

What is the news here? Why should my readers care? What does this mean to them?

Now read Ritu’s badly told story:

CBI to book 5 Army officers for killing 5 Kashmiris in cold blood
RITU SARIN
NEW DELHI, APRIL 26
The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) is set to chargesheet five Army officers, including a Brigadier, for the alleged abduction and murder of five unarmed, innocent Kashmiris in the infamous Pathribal "encounter" in Anantnag in March 2000. (37 words)
The agency's indictment is sweeping: from Army officers faking witness statements and "fabricating evidence" to passing off the premeditated killings as a "stage-managed encounter"; from the hasty burial of the bodies to evidence that the weapons the Army said it used were not used at all. (46 words)
The chargesheet, to be filed in the next few days in a Jammu and Kashmir court, names Brigadier Ajay Saxena, Lt Col Brijendra Pratap Singh, Major Sourabh Sharma, Major Amit Saxena and Subedar I Khan. (35 words)
The case hit international headlines, coming as it did four days after the Chittisinghpora massacre in which 35 Sikh villagers were lined up and killed, allegedly by militants. The fact that US President Bill Clinton was in India at that time amplified the significance of the event.
The five persons killed in Pathribal on March 24, 2000, were made out to be foreign militants behind the Chittisinghpora massacre. When local residents took out a protest march complaining these were men gone missing from nearby villages and killed in cold blood, they were fired upon near Brakpora. Ten more persons were killed.
Confirming the CBI's decision, Director Vijay Shankar told The Indian Express: "The Army has performed an exceptional role in Jammu and Kashmir. However, there are one or two encounters where their role has been severely criticized. The Anantnag encounter is one such case which can be called an aberration and it was necessary for the CBI to clear the good name of the Army and expose persons responsible for the fake encounter.''
The decision to chargesheet the Army officers (who were then attached to the Rashtriya Rifles) was delayed because former Director U S Mishra could not take a final decision given the division in the agency: while investigators were all for prosecution, some on its legal panel were not.
Shankar is said to have finally ruled that there was no requirement for the agency to seek sanction in the case and that a direct chargesheet was in order.
The Farooq Abdullah Government had constituted more than one inquiry into the Pathribal killings and faced severe flak when it was discovered that DNA samples had been fudged. Later, in July 2002, fresh DNA reports were tabled in the Jammu and Kashmir Assembly.

Before I shred Ritu’s copy, let me puncture all you Indian journalists: 'Chargesheet' is not an English word. Indian journalists have created it quite like preponement, which isn’t a word either. I recommend best is to write it as two words: charge sheet = the sheet containing the charges, where ‘sheet’ is the subject noun and ‘charge’ its qualifier. But why not just say 'charges'?)

Of course, Ritu is guilty of the usual presumptions: “the infamous Pathribal ‘encounter’ in Anantnag in March 2000”, “the Chittisinghpora massacre”, “…need for the agency to seek sanction”, “the Farooq Abdullah Government”.

Of course, the clichés are way too many –
Is set to
In the infamous
Indictment is sweeping
Passing off
Hit international headlines
Coming as it did
Were made out to be
Took out a protest march
Gone missing
Killed in cold blood (that’s a favourite with Indian journalists)
Were fired upon
Were all for…
Is said to have
Finally ruled that
Was in order
Constituted more than one…
Faced severe flak (flak is another favourite, and it's mostly severe)
Had been fudged
Reports were tabled

Big words are plenty, too. They could easily be changed as –
Indictment = charge
Fabricating = making up
Premeditated = planned
Stage-managed = set up
Aberration = rare lapse

Poor construction is this story’s biggest problem. Ritu is a good reporter but a bad writer. She doesn’t know English. She doesn’t know news writing as the various pieces of information are all in the wrong order.
Sadly, that’s the story with 94.7% Indian journalists, reporters or subs.

Before I carry on, a word about quotes. NSWT say, “The best quotes are short and bright. They reveal insights or secrets. They prove points.” Remember: never let bureaucrats write your quote. Ritu does just that:

Confirming the CBI's decision, Director Vijay Shankar told The Indian Express: "The Army has performed an exceptional role in Jammu and Kashmir. However, there are one or two encounters where their role has been severely criticized. The Anantnag encounter is one such case which can be called an aberration and it was necessary for the CBI to clear the good name of the Army and expose persons responsible for the fake encounter.''

Let me rewrite her entire story. But first, read what the NSWT say about –

Qualities of Effective Leads

Focus. Make a specific promise to the reader, and then deliver.
Context. Involve the reader. Show clear, immediate significance. Answer the question, “Why should I read this story?”
Form. Implies a design, a plan, a structure, a pattern that will help the reader understand the meaning.

MY REWRITE --

Murder charge on 5 Army officers for killing innocents
RITU SARIN

NEW DELHI, APRIL 26
It’s a shame for the Indian Army. Five of its officers are being charged with murder for allegedly killing as many innocents and falsely claiming they were terrorists.

The accused officers include a brigadier, which is the Army’s fourth highest rank.
The killings occurred five years ago in Kashmir, in a small village 55 km south of Srinagar. The Army had then claimed the dead were terrorists killed in a gun battle with its soldiers on patrol.

Today, the Army declined comment to The Indian Express.
The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), which probed the incident, says it will “soon” file the murder charges against the Army officers in a lower court in the state.
The CBI says the accused officers forged evidence and witness accounts, and quickly buried the dead men’s bodies to hide the truth. It says these officers planted weapons later found on the dead men to claim the “terrorists” had fired from them.
“The Army has played an exceptional role in Kashmir (in fighting terrorism),” CBI director Vijay Shankar told The Indian Express. “That is why the CBI must expose those responsible for the fake encounter and clear the Army’s name.”
The five officers accused of murder are: Brigadier Ajay Saxena, Lt. Col. Brijendra Pratap Singh, Major Sourabh Sharma, Major Amit Saxena and Subedar I. Khan. At the time of the incident, these officers were attached with the paramilitary Rashtriya Rifles.
The killings occurred on March 24, 2000 in village Pathribal. The village is located in the state’s Anantnag district, which is among those areas that terrorism rocked for 15 years.
This “encounter” made news globally as the Army claimed the dead had led a massacre of 35 Sikhs in another village just four days earlier, on March 20.
That massacre had especially embarrassed the Indian government since then U.S. president Bill Clinton was in New Delhi the same day on a much-hyped visit.
Almost immediately the local people had accused the Army of lying and claimed that the soldiers had killed not terrorists but innocent men. Angry citizens had filled the streets, prompting security forces to fire at them. That firing had killed 10 more.
Earlier, the opinion within CBI was divided on whether or not to press with the prosecution. Some of its legal experts said the agency should seek the government’s ok for the prosecution because the case involved Army officers.
But Shankar overruled this view soon after taking charge as agency chief four months ago.

UTTERLY NAUSEOUS NONSENSE NEWS - TOI

I guess TOI has a simple selection process to hire journalists. Its h.r. calls in bulk candidates for a test and picks the worst 10! How else do you explain the incomprehensible shit on virtually every TOI page?

Look at the lead story today (April 27 Thursday) in the Delhi edition.

Quota protests turn ugly, docs on strike
OPD Services To Be Affected At Govt. Hospitals
Times News Network

New Delhi: Anger over the proposal to impose OBC quotas in Central institutions spilled onto the streets of the Capital on Wednesday even as doctors at some of the main government hospitals announced an indefinite strike after police fired tear gas shells and used water cannons on protesting medical students trying to march to HRD minister Arjun Singh’s house.

57 words! 57 words!!

Clichés –
Anger over
To impose
Spilled onto the streets
Even as

Assumptions –
(1) All readers know there’s something called OBC quotas
(2) All readers know why these students were marching to HRD minister Arjun Singh’s house

Some days back I posted below a link to the Northern Star newspaper’s website that carries good journalism tips. Northern Star is a daily newspaper published by students at Northern Illinois University in the U.S. Some tips on the site –
(1) Write short sentences. Anything beyond 25 words is not good.
(2) There should be one idea per sentence.
(3) A flabby lead says, “I don’t know what this story is about.”
(4) KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.

Can you write back a tight intro for the above story?

Let’s look at the second story on TOI P1 on the same subject –

In Germany, Sibal speaks out against Arjun’s designs
By Sidhartha/TNN

Hannover: In the first expression of disquiet in the Union Cabinet over OBC quotas in Central educational institutions, science and technology minister Kapil Sibal has said that the government must not initiate any measures that could dilute India’s excellence and ability to compete in the global economy.
“No policy initiative should be taken to dilute the level of excellence in research and development and education institutions which will negatively impact our ability to compete in the global economy,” Sibal said at the Hannover Technology Fair.

There are many things wrong with this intro such as the terrible cliché “first expression of disquiet”. But I reproduce it here to show it’s bad journalism to repeat information almost verbatim in succeeding paragraphs.

Paragraph 1: “…must not initiate any measures that could dilute India’s excellence and ability to compete in the global economy.”
Paragraph 2: “No policy initiative should be taken to dilute the level of excellence in research and development and education institutions which will negatively impact our ability to compete in the global economy.”

I have asked my spies to find if TOI has sold off the rewrite desk.

Erratum

Comment from an anonymous reader, responding to my criticism of Bagchi-Roy TOI story --

Caught ya! it should be would instead of will in that para!!!! Cheers for grammar

"The envoys, foreign secretary Shyam Saran and politician-diplomat Karan Singh, warned Gyanendra his refusal to shed power will bring anarchy to Nepal."

Oops.

The Cutting Edge Of Adultery!

Just spotted in the timesofindia.com --
SINGAPORE: An Indian origin man who hacked his wife to death for adultery with a meat cleaver two years ago...

THE MEAT IS MISSING!!

Kaavya Viswanathan, 19, is a Harvarad sophomore. She has written a novel called “Opal Mehta Got kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life”.
Kaavya got great publicity and half a million dollars in advance. Turns out the Tamil wannabe lifted stuff from another writer’s!
This other, more famous American writer writes novels for young adults. Her publishers are very angry with the copycat.
Viswanathan now says the copying was “unintentional” and “unconscious”, whatever that means.
The American author, a woman named McCafferty, says it’s not that simple. Kaavya could have lifted as many as 20+ parts from the original work!

Both The Times of India and Hindustan Times front-paged the story. Smarty pie Chidanand Rajghatta for TOI and S. Rajagopalan for HT, both writing from the U.S.

Ok, let me recap: this story is about an Indian origin girl in the U.S. who is accused of plagiarising in her first novel that’s brought her fame.

What must a news story on this development contain? The following, at least –
(1) The plot outline for both books (Kaavya’s and the original)
(2) One (if not more) matching excerpt from each book to highlight the alleged cheating

But neither Rajagopal nor Mr.-About-Town Rajghatta cares to tell us the story outline or what was copied and how!!
And no one – not the sub-editor, not the chief sub-editor, not the resident editor, not the editor-in-chief of either newspaper – finds it wrong that the dispatches don’t contain the plot outline or a single example of Kaavya’s alleged cheating!
This, when the cheating story has been scooped by Harvard campus newspaper, The Crimson, and is freely available on the Internet!

Can you believe it?!

I finally found an example of Kaavya’s cheating – and cheating it sure seems! – in (where else?) but the New York Times. This delightful excerpt is given at the end of this post. Immediately below are dispatches from Rajghatta/Rajagopalan. If you don't want to read their dull prose, just scroll down quickly to read the NYT stuff –

THE TIMES OF INDIA

Kaavya ‘sorry’ beyond words
By Chidanand Rajghatta/TNN

Washington: Oops! She ripped it. It was unconscious and unintentional. Didn’t mean to. Just happened. Whatever.
Kaavya Viswanathan, the Indian-American teenage novelist and Harvard sophomore at the center of a plagiarism storm, said sorry in not so many words for filching from previously published books.
In a statement released Monday through her publisher, Little, Brown and Company, the Chennai-born teenager, who was paid $500,000 advance for her literary debut, explained the flap thusly: “When I was in high school, I read and loved two wonderful novels by Megan McCafferty, Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings, which spoke to me in a way few other books did. Recently, I was very surprised and upset to learn that there are similarities between some passages in my novel, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life, and passages in these books.
“While the central stories of my book and hers are completely different, I wasn’t aware of howmuch I may have internalised McCafferty’s words. I am a huge fan of her work and can honestly say that any phrasing similarities between her works and mine were completely unintentional and unconscious.”
Kaavya said she and her publisher plan to revise her novel for future printings “to eliminate any inappropriate similarities” and also apologised to McCafferty and “to any who feel they have been misled by these unintentional errors on my part.”
In a separate statement Little Brown publisher Michael Pietsch backed Kaavya saying she “is a decent, serious, and incredibly hard-working writer and student, and I am confident that we will learn that any similarities in phrasings were unintentional.”
Kaavya’s agent Jennifer Walsh of William Morris Agency also stood up for her saying teenagers tend to adopt each others’ language.
But the flap is far from over. It now transpires that there are far more than the dozen “influenced” passages in Kaavya’s book than initially discovered – perhaps as many as 30 passages.


HINDUSTAN TIMES

S. Rajagopalan in Washington

KAAVYA VISWANATHAN, the Harvard undergraduate who made waves with a $500,000 book contract a year ago, has now admitted to some “unconscious” copying – nay, “internalising” – from the works of an American author.
The oblique admission came close on the heels of an expose by The Harvard Crimson, the celebrated campus newspaper, which reproduced several passages from her recently published novel that were “strikingly similar” to ones from two books by Megan McCafferty.
The 19-year-old Viswanathan apologised to McCafferty and promised to make changes to future editions of her 320-page book, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life.
But she did not quite confess to the charge of plagiarism, copying or borrowing.
She put it differently. “While the central stories of my book and hers are completely different, I wasn’t aware of how much I may have internalised Ms McCafferty’s words,” she said.
“I’m a huge fan of her work and can honestly say that any phrasing similarities between her works and mine were completely unintentional and unconscious. My publisher and I plan to revise my novel for future printings to eliminate any inappropriate similarities.” In a statement issued by her publisher (Little, Brown and Co), Viswanathan said McCafferty’s two “wonderful novels” – Sloppy Firsts (2001) and Second Helpings (2003) – spoke to her in a way few other books did.
And then, she went on to dwell on how “surprised and upset” she was to learn about the “similarities” between “some passages” in her novel and those of McCafferty’s books.
The Crimson’s website had juxtaposed 13 passages from Viswanathan’s book and McCafferty’s novels to make its point on “nearly identical” ideas and language.
The Chennai-born Viswanathan had migrated to Scotland with her parents Mary Sundaram and Vishwanathan Rajaraman when she was three. Nine years later, the family moved to New Jersey.
But she did not quite confess to the charge of plagiarism, copying or borrowing. She put it differently. “While the central stories of my book and hers are completely different, I wasn’t aware of how much I may have internalised Ms McCafferty’s words,” she said. “I’m a huge fan of her work and can honestly say that any phrasing similarities between her works and mine were completely unintentional and unconscious. My publisher and I plan to revise my novel for future printings to eliminate any inappropriate similarities.” In a statement issued by her publisher (Little, Brown and Co), Viswanathan said McCafferty’s two “wonderful novels” - Sloppy Firsts (2001) and Second Helpings (2003) - spoke to her in a way few other books did. And then, she went on to dwell on how “surprised and upset” she was to learn about the “similarities” between “some passages” in her novel and those of McCafferty’s books. The Crimson’s website had juxtaposed 13 passages from Viswanathan’s book and Mc- Cafferty’s novels to make its point on “nearly identical” ideas and language. The Chennai-born Viswanathan had migrated to Scotland with her parents Mary Sundaram and Vishwanathan Rajaraman when she was three. Nine years later, the family moved to New Jersey.

Finally, the most wonderful example of “unconscious” copying –

NEW YORK TIMES
By Dinitia Smith

(Picking up the story from the middle)

The Crimson cited 13 instances in which Ms. Viswanathan’s book closely paralleled Ms. McCafferty’s work. But there are at least 29 passages that are strikingly similar.
At one point in “Sloppy Firsts,” Ms. McCafferty’s heroine unexpectedly encounters her love interest. Ms. McCafferty writes:
“Though I used to see him sometimes at Hope’s house, Marcus and I had never, ever acknowledged each other’s existence before. So I froze, not knowing whether I should (a) laugh, (b) say something, or (c) ignore him and keep on walking. I chose a brilliant combo of (a) and (b).
“ ‘Uh, yeah. Ha. Ha. Ha.’
“I turned around and saw that Marcus was smiling at me.”
Similarly, Ms. Viswanathan’s heroine, Opal, bumps into her love interest, and the two of them spy on one of the school’s popular girls.
Ms. Viswanathan writes: “Though I had been to school with him for the last three years, Sean Whalen and I had never acknowledged each other’s existence before. I froze, unsure of (a) what he was talking about, or (b) what I was supposed to do about it. I stared at him.
“ ‘Flatirons,’ he said. ‘At least seven flatirons for that hair.’
“ ‘Ha, yeah. Uh, ha. Ha.’ I looked at the floor and managed a pathetic combination of laughter and monosyllables, then remembered that the object of our mockery was his former best friend.
“I looked up and saw that Sean was grinning.”

Here's the link to the full piece in case you want to read it – http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/25/books/25book.html?ex=1146196800&en=8acbe323281e291a&ei=5087%0A

You want to know the plot outlines of Kaavya’s “Opal…” and McCafferty’s works?

Here’s ASSOCIATED PRESS wire agency with the details in a dispatch –

Viswanathan’s novel tells the story of Opal, a hard-driving teen from New Jersey who earns straight A’s in high school but who gets rejected from Harvard because she forgot to have a social life. Opal’s father concocts a plan code-named HOWGAL (How Opal Will Get A Life) to get her past the admissions office.
McCafferty’s books follow a heroine named Jessica, a New Jersey girl who excels in high school but struggles with her identity and longs for a boyfriend.

MORE ON THE HATE MAIL...

I am sorry but I can't help rewrite my hater’s mail. This is what he (she?) wrote –

Yes, the conceit is unmistakable. And the writing is nothing to write home about. Some points are well enunciated others are open debate. The blogger would do well if he infused his writing witha bit of wit and a sense of humour than sermonise and berate like a school prinicipal.

This is what he (she?) shoulda written –

The blogger is conceited and writes poorly. Only a few of his points – presuming he is a man – are well argued. He should write with greater wit and humor. He shouldn’t sermonize like a school principal.

Hater's word count: 51
My word count: 36

Hate Mail... But Sub-standard...

I've got my first hate mail. Sadly, it's sub-stantdard. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm repeating the headline. That's how it feels when your story's first para dumbly copies the headline.

Anyhow, this is it (the HM):

Yes, the conceit is unmistakable. And the writing is nothing to write home about. Some points are well enunciated others are open debate. The blogger would do well if he infused his writing witha bit of wit and a sense of humour than sermonise and berate like a school prinicipal.

I will ignore the unargued criticism. Check out its clichés though:

is unmistakable
nothing to write home about
well enunciated
open to debate
would do well
infused his writing
sense of humour (why not plain "humour"? just asking!)
than sermonise and berate


I'm curious. The hater uses the pronoun "he" for me, presuming I'm a man. Why?

If journos were teachers students would flunk

Newspapers often make innocent readers feel inferior. It embarrasses many readers that they are never enough aware to figure newspaper writing. If any such innocent readers are reading this blog, feel very relieved from, like, right now. You are not at fault. It’s not your job as readers to make sense of complicated newswriting. It’s the job of the news guys to write simply and to be understood.

In my second post Friday I asked if you knew the concept of First Reader. The concept of First Reader is simple: Always believe you have at least one reader who has never heard your story’s subject. So you need to write also for someone who is reading the subject the first time. This is truer for TV news writers. This way you avoid presumptions that 94.7% Indian journalists make all the time.

Remember: never presume your reader knows all the information you’ve got. Even if you’ve been writing the same subject for days, there’s still a First Reader every new day. In any case, readers don’t remember details and background even if they’ve read about it every day for weeks.

Some examples of NONSENSE PRESUMPTIONS in this morning’s Delhi newspapers –

Hindustan Times P2 – After receiving much flak for its inability to secure a conviction in the Priyadarshini Mattoo case, the Central Bureau of Investigation has turned to technology to integrate its investigation and prosecution units. CBI will float a tender later this week, asking private consortiums to help it upgrade its systems, including its scientific investigation set-up.

In fact, the full story is total crap. I’ll write a separate post on it today. For now, notice how the introduction presumes that --
(1) all readers know and remember some Priyadarshini Mattoo case that the CBI has failed to "secure a conviction" in it,
(2) all readers know the CBI has investigation and prosecution units,
(3) all readers know that the “integration”, whatever it means, between these two units is not great, and
(4) all readers know that the CBI has a scientific investigation set-up.
By the way, the story gives no specific examples of how inferior technology has hurt CBI’s work, nor specific examples of how technology will improve it!
I will dissect this story in my next post.

The Times of India P8 – CPN Maoist leader Baburam Bhattarai has said it is very “unfortunate that the Seven-Party Alliance has betrayed the 12-point agreement with Maoists and agreed with the king’s announcement of restoration of Parliament of 2002”.
Bhattarai confirmed to TOI that though CPM leader Sitaram Yechury was in touch with the Maoist leaders, “there can be no going back from 12-point agreement. Otherwise, our struggle will continue. We are at war.”

Like hell, this too is total crap! I’m gonna bust this one as well. For now, let’s just run through the presumptions. This story presumes that:
(1) all readers know there’s something called CPN Maoism,
(2) all readers know there’s someone called Baburam Bhattarai who is a CPN Maoist leader,
(3) all readers know there’s something called a Seven-Party alliance,
(4) all readers know that this CPN Maoist leader had an agreement with this Seven-Party Alliance,
(5) all readers know that this agreement between the CPN Maoist leader and the Seven-Party alliance had 12 points,
(6) all readers know that there was a Parliament in 2002, and
(7) all readers know that CPM leader Sitaram Yechury is in touch with the Maoists and why he is in touch with the Maoists.
The story is headlined “SPA betrayed deal: Maoists”! It presumes all readers know SPA! (The only SPA I know is the School of Planning & Architecture that stands close to Delhi’s police headquarters.)
Worst, this five-paragraph story doesn't at all include the word Nepal except in Bhattarai's quote in the third paragraph! So it presumes that all readers know it's talking about Nepal!!!

In truth, this is a decent story that could go on page 1. Nepal’s Maoists had until now supported the opposition parties that have forced the king to give up power. Now they are angry with the opposition parties in their country, who have accepted their king’s offer to take power. This may threaten peace that just yesterday seemed very near.
But get those details in my dissection, later.

Last but not the least, the great Indian journalist, N. Ram, the proprietor-editor of The Hindu, writing in his illustrious newspaper P1 this morning:

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh reiterated the Indian government’s stand on the Iranian nuclear issue that “maximum possible scope should be given to dialogue, discussion, rather than to coercive methods.”
He told The Hindu, in response to a question, on board the special Air India flight taking us from Berlin to Tashkent, the capital of Uzbekistan, that he found large-scale support, including in Germany, for such a view.
Asked for an update on how he saw the situation developing on the Iranian nuclear issue, Dr. Singh told me:
“I don’t know the stage of negotiations between the P-5 and Iran but I do know where we stand. And our stand is that Iran is a signatory to the NPT (Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty); and as a signatory to the NPT, it must have all the rights for the peaceful uses of atomic energy. And simultaneously, it must honour all the obligations that go with being a member of the NPT regime…”

What on earth is the Iranian nuclear issue? Coercive methods? Who is using them on whom? P5? Peaceful uses of atomic energy? And, Mr. Ram, what are the “obligations that go with being a member of the NPT regime”, whatever that means?
Mr. Ram clearly fancies he has a role in the story. Sadly, that happens with many journalists who find eminence for any reason, birth or labour. Mr. Ram's this story is among the crappiest I've ready today. It needs a full autopsy and I hope not to disappoint you.

Not So Iconic TV Icon?!

I haven't yet begun to expose specific crap in Indian television news. I certainly will and I promise that, too, will be fun. Meanwhile, below is a comment from an anonymous reader. It's about a TV news icon, but the writer doesn't think high of him. I publish it here only because the writer has spotted a good example of bad journalism. Other than that, I have no opinion on the writer's personal comments. Verbatim excerpt:


Whats worse is that a few babalogs have come together to create Babalogs Utd. in a channel called IBN (Indian Babalog's Network.) And to the utter horror of the unsuspecting public they are beginning to try their hand at popular hindi film journalism, which they scoffed at all the way to Oxford and back. In a much hyped interview of Asha Bhosle conducted by Babalog In Chief Rajdeep Sardesai, the interviewer's news peg was the new Asha album on the stand, Rahul and I. So Baba No.1 read up all there was on the subject and asked Asha, what that one song was that best described her. Lo and Behold... She broke out into "yeh kya jagah hai doston...!" Now that was foul-play, that was not part of the syllabus. The editor in chief of the country's largest network blanked out and kept nodding with a stupid grin. Those unfamiliar with Khayyam's great score in Umrao Jaan retired believing how well Pancham, RD, had scored the song...! Then the big chief went on to insist in more ways than one cares to describe, how RD had created this magical new Asha, with an unexplored sensuality! Asha was created and nurtured and metaphysically (spare the physical details for Deepak Chaurasia to unearth) deflowered by OP Nayyar, and any hawker on the streets of India with access to Vividh Bharati on a beat up transistor would have told that to the EdInChief, IBN CNN.

MORE FROM TIMOTHY KELLEY...

Tim on concise writing --

Does the article you have written seem to you to contain any words that aren't fully necessary to your purpose? Does your article contain unnecessary words? Look at the two questions you've just read. The first one needed pruning; the second is the same question after the pruning has been done. Now do a similar pruning job on your article. Tight writing is usually best.

LESSONS OF A LIFETIME

Keep reading this blog. You will find how so-called great editors of big newspapers actually allow shoddy, bungled writing because their staff doesn’t have basic journalistic skills. These newspapers include The Times of India, Hindustan Times, The Asian Age, The Hindu and The Indian Express – the biggest daddies of Indian journalism and certainly the snootiest.

They can all – ALL – learn great lessons from a tutorial on news skills offered by a student newspaper – Northern Star. According to its website:

Northern Star is the student publication of Northern Illinois University. It publishes Monday through Friday during the academic year and weekly during the summer sessions.
Northern Star was first published in 1899 under the name “Northern Illinois.” It became a daily newspaper in 1965. It’s consistently rated among the best of the America’s 103 daily college newspapers. Its circulation is 16,000 papers a day and reaches not only Northern Illinois University students, faculty and staff, but also the wider city community. It has a website, too.

Here’s a link to the tutorial. http://www.star.niu.edu/nina/highschool/write.html
You might want to check out the main site, too. http://www.star.niu.edu/
Compare the writing there with the crap you see in the Indian papers. Meanwhile, here’s a page from the tutorial:

CLARITY

Newspaper writing is not academic writing. We don't use big words and long sentences to show our readers how smart we are. Newspaper readers are pressed for time.
You have to give them the news quickly, concisely and without a lot of extra words or information they don't need.
Every story competes for a reader's attention ... against other stories, against the TV in the background, against every distraction you can think of.
With every story you write, ask yourself: What is the news here? Why should my readers care? What does this mean to them? Your lead, and then the rest of your story, should spring from those questions.
Then, ask yourself (and the people around you), "What questions will the reader have that I need to answer?" Jot them down, and be sure none are left unanswered.
Write short: short sentences, short paragraphs, short stories. Use simple language. Think hard about every word you use. Is it necessary? Is there a more clear, concise way to say this? Read your story aloud. It sounds dumb, but you'll spot places that don't sound right and might trip up the reader.

STYLE

Good writers are artists. Good news writers are, too. They can entertain, inspire, anger and educate. News stories don't have to follow the old, worn-out, inverted pyramid format. Sure, you'll still use it sometimes, particularly for important, breaking news on deadline. But look for opportunities to veer from that format into something more interesting. Never forget, though, that your No. 1 objective is to tell people what they need to know -- not to show them how much of a literary artist you are.

CAN'T WRITE STRAIGHT OR WHAT??

Timothy Kelley is Senior Editor of The New York Times Upfront, Scholastic’s news magazine for teenagers. His tips for news writing –
A few rules: Use the present tense. Always use short, active verbs. There's no room to say “Faculty Members Engage in Discussions” when you can say “Teachers Talk.”

Indian journalists have a handicap. They just can’t write a straight sentence because of an uncontrollable urge to offer “perspective” before offering the news. They put all information in the first paragraphs that end up as 40-word sentences.

Let’s look at FIRST PARAGRAPHS in this morning’s (April 25) newspapers of the national capital. These are written by some of the biggest names in Indian journalism, appearing often on page 1. I have deliberately not completed any sentence. I want you to notice how much news space these incompetent reporters waste before making their point:

Hindustan Times

“Coming down heavily on the MCD, the Delhi High Court on Monday said that it would be forced to ‘explore alternative options’…
“In a major setback to the prosecution, the victim in the sensational Safdarjung rape case…”

The Times of India

“In a sign of how ties between two hostile neighbours have eased …”
“Giving the MCD three weeks for putting its “house in order”, the Delhi High Court…”
“In a major development in Sonish Javed’s murder case, the police claimed…” (Does the newspaper report minor developments, too?)
“With the temperature coming within a notch of 40 degrees Celsius, summer illnesses are…”
“In a major development in the multi-crore cooperative group housing scam (CGHS), the CBI arrested…” (same as above)
“For those anxious to try their luck on foreign shores, yet another vista seems to be opening up…”
“While expressing satisfaction over Pramod Mahajan’s condition…”
“With a star-studded delegation on its way to Pakistan for the first Indian film to be commercially released in 41 years…”
“With the situation in Nepal getting worse every day, the backroom parleys…”

Indian Express

“Giving in to a key demand of pro-democracy protesters…”
“As India and Pakistan work hard to arrive at a troop withdrawal plan for Siachen…”
“As facts lose out to rhetoric in the debate over quotas in the private sector…”
“Days after US agencies predicted an early monsoon with above normal rains over parts of east and south India…”
“With Nepal’s Seven Party Alliance immediately welcoming King Gyanendra’s announcement for restoration of Parliament, all eyes are set…”
“Bowing to pressure from the Enforcement Directorate…”
“Showing a rare enthusiasm for elections, villagers lined up outside polling…”
“Citing a score of cases to buttress its stand that no opinion can be given on the “alleged disqualification” of Congress president Sonia Gandhi as an MP…”
“With an eye on overhauling the mid-day meal scheme for schoolchildren, the Union government has asked…”

The Asian Age

“Seeking to steer clear of the anti-defection law, suspended Samajwadi Party MP Raj Babbar…”
“Clarifying its position on the proposed India-United States civilian nuclear deal, Washington on Monday said…”
“While the police is at a loss to account for where Pravin Mahaja was between 5.30 a.m. when he left his house, ad 7.40 a.m., whe he arrived at his elder brother Pramod Mahaja’s house…”
“Calling into question Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s handling of the Nepal situation…”

The Hindu

“Three days after his younger brother Pravin shot and injured him…”
“With just weeks to go for its annual entrance examination, Jawaharlal Nehru University…”
“Refusing to rectify its shortcomings despite repeated penalties slapped on it, the Container Corporation of India…”
“In a significant decision, the Central Information Commission has…” (does the newspaper generally report insignificant decisions, too?)
“In a hard-hitting viewpoint published in the online edition of the medical journal Lancet to mark Africa Malaria Day (April 25)…” (does the newspaper generally report soft-hitting viewpoints, too?)

There are plenty of clichés in just these sentence openers. Can anyone of you find them and write back?

Here’s a quote from one of the greatest storytellers all news writers should imbibe –

“I want stories to startle and engage me within the first few sentences, and in their middle to widen or deepen or sharpen my knowledge of human activity, and to end by giving me a sensation of completed statement.”– John Updike

Remember this quote, because I'm soon gonna bring you examples of UTTERLY NAUSEOUS NONSENSE NEWS!!

DOES INDIA'S HEART BEAT FOR MAHAJAN?

How big a leader is Pramod Mahajan?

He last won a Lok Sabha election in 1996. He lost in 1998. He did not contest in 1999 and 2004. The BJP has lost two successive state elections in Maharashtra, Mahajan’s home state. The party’s coalition lost the 2004 Lok Sabha elections. Mahajan managed publicity as well as contestants for the party in that election.

Many of you might remember the government’s “Shining India” advertising campaign that claimed India progressed under BJP-led rule during 1999-2004. Mahajan designed the campaign. In 2004, the BJP lost every Lok Sabha seat in Mumbai, where Mahajan lives.

Mahajan’s most important job so far has been as India’s parliamentary affairs minister (not counting 13 days as defence minister in 1996). That’s not really big. He was never a mass leader and never a big-ticket mover and shaker. He has never led a mass rally on his own. He has never piloted any big political move on his own. Hell, he has never set the agenda for the nation’s politics even for a day!

If anything, Mahajan has supped with wheeler-dealers and been mostly the backroom boy for a few complicated political battles in national politics. Also, he managed party affairs in assembly elections in several states. Political manager, yes; mass-based politician, never!

Then why is there such media hysteria over Mahajan’s shooting? Why is the media covering his shooting like Mahatma Gandhi’s, giving the event eight-column screaming headlines? TV channels have made it seem as if millions across the country can’t sleep as Mahajan “battles death”. I’ll be hanged if that’s even remotely true.

These channels have minutely detailed how badly three bullets (or four?) have injured Mahajan’s pancreas, the small intestines and the liver. This is presuming that the viewers are really concerned enough to want to know how badly this guy’s guts are hurt. None actually. The only exciting story here is that a not-so-well-off brother has shot his older politically rich brother. It's a great story to investigate and tell. Talk off-camera with family friends, politicians, business associates, family members and scoop the true story of their (soured) relationship. Instead, the channels have gone crazy running highly adulatory stories on Mahajan. Deepak Chaurasia of Aaj Tak seemed as if he would break down anytime now talking about Mahajan.

I have a little exercise for you: why don’t you casually ask your family members and friends how concerned they are for Mahajan? I bet they don’t really have an opinion. Just ensure that these family members and friends aren’t journalists and are regular people.