CAN'T WRITE STRAIGHT OR WHAT??

Timothy Kelley is Senior Editor of The New York Times Upfront, Scholastic’s news magazine for teenagers. His tips for news writing –
A few rules: Use the present tense. Always use short, active verbs. There's no room to say “Faculty Members Engage in Discussions” when you can say “Teachers Talk.”

Indian journalists have a handicap. They just can’t write a straight sentence because of an uncontrollable urge to offer “perspective” before offering the news. They put all information in the first paragraphs that end up as 40-word sentences.

Let’s look at FIRST PARAGRAPHS in this morning’s (April 25) newspapers of the national capital. These are written by some of the biggest names in Indian journalism, appearing often on page 1. I have deliberately not completed any sentence. I want you to notice how much news space these incompetent reporters waste before making their point:

Hindustan Times

“Coming down heavily on the MCD, the Delhi High Court on Monday said that it would be forced to ‘explore alternative options’…
“In a major setback to the prosecution, the victim in the sensational Safdarjung rape case…”

The Times of India

“In a sign of how ties between two hostile neighbours have eased …”
“Giving the MCD three weeks for putting its “house in order”, the Delhi High Court…”
“In a major development in Sonish Javed’s murder case, the police claimed…” (Does the newspaper report minor developments, too?)
“With the temperature coming within a notch of 40 degrees Celsius, summer illnesses are…”
“In a major development in the multi-crore cooperative group housing scam (CGHS), the CBI arrested…” (same as above)
“For those anxious to try their luck on foreign shores, yet another vista seems to be opening up…”
“While expressing satisfaction over Pramod Mahajan’s condition…”
“With a star-studded delegation on its way to Pakistan for the first Indian film to be commercially released in 41 years…”
“With the situation in Nepal getting worse every day, the backroom parleys…”

Indian Express

“Giving in to a key demand of pro-democracy protesters…”
“As India and Pakistan work hard to arrive at a troop withdrawal plan for Siachen…”
“As facts lose out to rhetoric in the debate over quotas in the private sector…”
“Days after US agencies predicted an early monsoon with above normal rains over parts of east and south India…”
“With Nepal’s Seven Party Alliance immediately welcoming King Gyanendra’s announcement for restoration of Parliament, all eyes are set…”
“Bowing to pressure from the Enforcement Directorate…”
“Showing a rare enthusiasm for elections, villagers lined up outside polling…”
“Citing a score of cases to buttress its stand that no opinion can be given on the “alleged disqualification” of Congress president Sonia Gandhi as an MP…”
“With an eye on overhauling the mid-day meal scheme for schoolchildren, the Union government has asked…”

The Asian Age

“Seeking to steer clear of the anti-defection law, suspended Samajwadi Party MP Raj Babbar…”
“Clarifying its position on the proposed India-United States civilian nuclear deal, Washington on Monday said…”
“While the police is at a loss to account for where Pravin Mahaja was between 5.30 a.m. when he left his house, ad 7.40 a.m., whe he arrived at his elder brother Pramod Mahaja’s house…”
“Calling into question Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s handling of the Nepal situation…”

The Hindu

“Three days after his younger brother Pravin shot and injured him…”
“With just weeks to go for its annual entrance examination, Jawaharlal Nehru University…”
“Refusing to rectify its shortcomings despite repeated penalties slapped on it, the Container Corporation of India…”
“In a significant decision, the Central Information Commission has…” (does the newspaper generally report insignificant decisions, too?)
“In a hard-hitting viewpoint published in the online edition of the medical journal Lancet to mark Africa Malaria Day (April 25)…” (does the newspaper generally report soft-hitting viewpoints, too?)

There are plenty of clichés in just these sentence openers. Can anyone of you find them and write back?

Here’s a quote from one of the greatest storytellers all news writers should imbibe –

“I want stories to startle and engage me within the first few sentences, and in their middle to widen or deepen or sharpen my knowledge of human activity, and to end by giving me a sensation of completed statement.”– John Updike

Remember this quote, because I'm soon gonna bring you examples of UTTERLY NAUSEOUS NONSENSE NEWS!!